Inappropriate Thoughts

Ailana stared out of the window, painfully aware of the soldier seated meer feet away. Biting her lip she could not get the previous night out of her head. Going into the marriage she had considered love making a necisary evil of wifely duty, but now having spent two nights in the arms of her husband she found herself embarrassed and confused by the realisation that she liked it.

There was something in the intimacy of it, it was a rare thing for her to have someones attention completely. While Abel loved her often when they spoke he seemed distracted, his thought too focused on matters out side of her and outside him none bar her mother had ever truly given her completely focused attention.

Orrick was not like Thomas, admittedly there was only so much comparison she could draw from a drunken fumble with a man too drunk to even consider her.  She was astute enough to realise that Orrick was a man in pain, yet he had paid attention to her needs, as though she was indeed important.

She was not used to feeling important….. perhaps that was why she liked it. It was perhaps not so much the act, as the closeness the rawness of the emotions on display. During daylight hours she struggled to communicate with her new husband, words were often difficult, fumbled even as she found it almost impossible to convey anything of meaning or intelligence. Likewise she watched him struggle, he too seemed to find their time together difficult strained and awkward.

She had only lain with him twice, it didn’t sound much when she spoke the number out loud, yet on both occasions different emotions and been conveyed, words found impossible sought to bring themself to meaning though action.  During love making she had a rare and far truer glimpse of the man she had married and that was why she liked it.

He had been nervous their first night together, scared even though she could not contemplate why. Last night had been different, he’d been frustrated angry even the pain Lynette had caused him still raw, but more importantly shown though the act. He hadn’t hurt her truthfully she had found its heated nature exhilarating, was that right? normal even? she was so confused.

The soldier coughed, bringing her around from her thoughts. Turning she found her eyes drawn to him as they had been many times since he’d been on watch. Gadrick that was his name, or at least that’s what she thought. Blushing she recognised the fact that she found him attractive, muscular with dark hair what was there not to like?

Tearing her eyes away, she berated herself. Married less than a week and she was already looking elsewhere.

“Lady Vaux, are you alright?” Gadrick asked.

Blushing fiercely she nodded, “I’m fine”

“Orion tell’s me you haven’t been married long?”

“Less than a week” she agreed, the look on his face held a slightly bemused expression. Oh God, he knew.. he knew she’d been looking at him. Blushing all the more she turned from him, the temperature suddenly rising. she wished the ground would swallow her up.

“Orricks a good man” The man reasoned, “but his political position is dangerous.. an odd choice for a beautiful young noblewoman”

She could hear him standing, walking towards her, her heart pounding she daren’t turn around but she didn’t miss the term… beautiful. “Sometimes a good man is more important than, power” she reasoned the words sounding so feeble as they left her lips.

“This is true” he agreed as she realised he was meer feet away. “Does his age not worry you?”

Coughing, she struggled to find breath, was he flirting with her? She couldn’t tell… as her experience with Danson had taught her she was useless at determining such things. “Your questions are quite inappropriate” she decided.

“Not as inappropriate as my thoughts” he assured her.

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One response to “Inappropriate Thoughts

  1. Jeez, Ailana can’t catch a break, can she? Garrick, whoever you are, leave her be. She’s confused enough without an inappropriate crush and the object of that crush practically daring her to act on it.

    (And Ailana — it’s ok to look, as long as you’re not creepy about it and you don’t touch. You’re married, not dead!)

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