Dawn Refuses

Dawn fidgeted with her gown, most of the time she found married life incredibly dull. There was nothing to do in the barracks, no-one to talk to, no-one to keep her company save for a brief period in the in morning and then again at night when the maid came to help dress her.

Today had been no different, but at least her husband was home giving her a few hours company in the evening. Most days he was either out on patrol or up at Silverhand Castle, especially now that Daniel had deemed if fitting to forgive Danson for marrying her. 

At least she could be thankful that she found Danson at least agreeable, in fact it was hard to imagine how anyone could not. He was a quiet man, who liked quiet things. Unafraid of having his opinions heard but likewise confident enough that he didn’t feel the need to boast.. a boastful man would have been terrible Dawn decided as her stomach lurched.

She’d been unwell for days … all day and all night her stomach had swirled and tightened making it difficult to think and even more so to eat.  At first she’s put it down to the gnawing uncertainty of how her husband would take the news of Ailana’s marriage but having vomited shortly after dinner she was now unsure.

She couldn’t possibly tell Danson, sick woman where not at all appealing to men. Besides ladies didn’t complain. Nagging woman where the bane of all men, at least that was what she was told.

She remembered vividly a nun back at school giving her quite the scolding for complaining about not wanting to eat the leek’s on her dinner plate. She’d said that complaining was the reason men cheated on their wives. Now she religiously ate everything she was given, even those evil green vegetables that never seemed to go down no matter how hard she tried to swallow them.

Tonight Danson had left her shortly after dinner, he’d seemed quiet and distracted but the worse thing was that she knew why. She had single handedly stolen his one chance on happiness. Lumbering him with a completely unworthy wife and ruining any chance she and Aliana would remain friends in one swoop. She had tried to write to the young woman, explain and apologise but none of her letters had been answered and she knew why, Alaina hated her.

Her stomach lurched again in reminder of just how sick she felt, oh how she hated to be sick. Heading to the bookcase she tried to find a book to take her mind off it. Scanning the shelf she sighed, Danson’s taste in books did not really settle well with a womanly disposition. She yearned for a simple story book, something romantic or perhaps an adventure.  Instead all her eye’s where met with was the same droll military books she had flicked though without interest a dozen times.

Heading disheartened back to the window she opened the shutters, welcoming the cool gust of wind  which reminded her that she was alive.  Resting uneasily against the sill she gazed out across the courtyard.  It was dark and training for the day was over but one or two of the young knights still pottered around outside, talking in dark corners she strained to see if her brother was amongst them.

Suddenly and without control or warning, she found herself vomiting. It was only the tiniest amount, but she couldn’t stop it before a small droplet escaped her mouth. She watched in horror as the escaped liquid headed out of sight beneath her. Holding her breath she only dared to breath when she was sure when no poor soul had been passing beneath the window to catch it.

“Dawn is everything alright?” A voice suddenly asked her. Spinning she met her husbands gaze, she hadn’t even heard him enter the room.

Flustered she managed to compose herself, she hadn’t even heard him knock though she was certain he had. Danson never entered without knocking he was very polite like that “I’m fine” she managed to smile.

“Are you sure?” he asked gently, closing the gap between them as he reached out for her.

“Im fine” she nodded allowing him to slip his hand around her waist. He was an affectionate man, she wasn’t yet sure if she liked it but it was nice that he tried to make her feel wanted. Even if deep in his heart, he wanted someone else.

“I was wondering, If I might visit with you tonight?” he asked tentatively, his voice steady but slightly uncertain. He had visited with her many times since they had married, each time he had asked permission.

She didn’t know what he would say if she refused, was it really even a question? Or was it mearly rhetorical like so many others. One which he asked to simply let her know to be ready. She nodded nervously, she didn’t really feel upto a visit, each took so much preparation, bathing, perfuming and hair tying.  The act it self was not too bad, he never hurt her and he thankfully always allowed her to keep on her nightgown but still…

Smiling he bent down to kiss her… panicking she dodged him, she couldn’t let him kiss her. Not now not just after she’d been sick.

“Dawn is everything alright?” he asked again, looking a little surprised.

“I’m sorry” she whimpered, desperately. It was the first time she had dared to avoid a kiss “but I should get changed, bathed… if your going to visit”

“You don’t need to prepare yourself, every time I visit” he reasoned, pulling her closer “I’m happy to take you as you are”

“Oh no… I must” she reasoned, in panic pushing him away,“I couldn’t ……please let me clean up.. please come back later”

Nodding he seemed to accept it, “Alright I’ll come back” he agreed.

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One response to “Dawn Refuses

  1. Oh, that poor girl. Those nuns really did a number on her sense of self-worth! Lucy would be spitting if she knew.

    And the worst is that Danson is nothing like those jerks the nuns were describing. At the very least, if he knew she was sick, he wouldn’t be asking for sex. He’d probably get Dawn a doctor (or perhaps a midwife?), stat!

    Poor Dawn. She needs to learn that this is no way to live. :(

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