Orion clearly had not been expecting to find her at his door. Glancing briefly at the blade in his hand, he settled it against the wall before opening the door more fully.
“Expecting trouble?” she asked, her throat suddenly dry. Why was she doing this to herself? Why oh why was she here? Had she not embarrassed herself enough for this man? Had he not already made it clear she was not what he was looking for.
“Yer never know” he replied, matter of factly “At least not after a night like tonight”
Understanding she nodded, he expected repercussions for what he had done and thusly was on his guard. “Can… can I come in?” she whispered, never before had she felt so uncertain. Her feeling for him where clear but having been turned away before, the nerves welled threatening to take over at any moment.
“The girls are in bed, it’s best that you don’t” he replied solemly “I don’t it think it would. set a good example” he explained, his gaurd up in more ways than one.
“About tonight” she began her knee’s weak, “You saved me from that man, I wanted to thank you”
“Yer don’t need to do that, besides you seemed to have things under control”
“Until he drew a knife perhaps” she replied awkwardly “Either way thank you”
“Yor welcome” he finally smiled.
It was like a first date, that apprehension and nerve’s. When you liked someone but you wheren’t quite sure if they liked you in return. Terrified of making the first move incase they pulled away. “Orion… I…. I’m sorry I know we have been though this, but tonight I couldn’t help but feel that perhaps there was still something there”
“I mean between us. You ran over so fast I mean surely that means something?” she dared the words coming out quickly and in a jumble.
“Oh… look Anna, I …“
“Don’t send me away” she begged, “I saw it … I saw the look on your face and you do have feelings for me”
“Anna I don’t know what I have” he admitted, the look on his face revealing how true that was.
“That means you do feel something?”
“Don’t be readin to much into it” He warned “The truth is…. Narrisa died a year ago but for me it was barely six months. She needs proper respect, I loved her and im not supposed to be ready to feel for another” and there it was the reason for his tumoil, she suddenly understood. He didnt know how to feel and feeling anything at all felt like some great betrayal of his wifes memory.
“You don’t get to pick when you feel” she reasoned, reaching out she took his hand. it was tense but to her relief he didnt push her away “You can’t control it…. We just feel when we feel”
“Anna I aint good for you and we’ve been down this path before”
“Not quite the same” she reasoned, “last time you couldnt admit you felt anything at all. Now at least you admit to being confused by the thought. I know you miss your wife but dont dismiss me because you feel unfaithful. You havnt held her in your arms for two years. You were gone a long time. Its no wonder you feel a connection to me, over a memory of her. Orion please don’t let your guilt dismiss me.”
“Then let it be my good sence” he reasoned, “I can’t provide for you Anna and that aint gonna change fer feelings I may or may not have. I ain’t bringing you into this life”
“Then just admit you have feelings for me, admit that you dont understand them but admit to me they exist”
“How abouts I admit your a good lay?”
“Orion, there is more to this than sex and you know it?” she begged.
“But it was good?” he chuckled, failing misrably to mask his own insecurity with humour.
“Yes it was” she blushed, “but so where the times you simply held me, the times we talked, admit I was more than just sex”
“Anna….. I can’t it aint fair to you… You should leave”
“Damn fair ” she scowled, stupid male pride. She could understand he was scared of betraying his wifes memory, but he had already accepted he needed to marry.. Why did he push her away? Was it truly hard to concider marrying somone he could actually grow to love? Perhaps he wasnt truly ready to concider love, but the mear fact that he still held her hand though he told her to leave, showed that dispite himself he wanted her.
The look on his face did little to hide how difficult this was for him, “I’ll wait” She decided, “You want to give your wife the respect you think you owe her, I understand that and i’ll wait…. but you must promise to concider me when your ready?”
“Anna it still won’t be fitting….”
“Shush….” She urged, placing her finger to his lips. “Who knows where either of us will be by then. So you must simply promise to concider me”
Tears rolling down her face she kissed him lightly on the cheek before forcing herself to leave.