“You will understand one day” Abel sighed, looking over at the young man who had already made himself quite at home on the nobleman’s bed. “It’s not easy being married having expectations, demands”
“Im sure it isn’t” the young man agreed.
Abel shuffled uncomfortably, speaking of expectations he watched as Lorcan removed his shirt. He kept telling himself each time was the last and yet each time the younger man appeared on his doorstep he knew it wasn’t. Still it was a mere matter of day’s before the nobleman went off to university and then it would be over…..
“You really have no clue” Abel reasoned. In many ways he was envious of Lorcan even though he was young he’d already seemed to come to terms with what and who he was. “Just wait till your at University and the others are chasing around after women like they are about to become extinct. There will be no avoiding it then”
“I will just do, what I do now” Lorcan chuckled. “I manage well enough”
“It’s different” Abel assured him. “It’s not so easy to blend in”
“Just because you stuck out like a sore thumb, doesn’t mean I will”
“And how do you suppose you’ll manage?” he asked genuinely interested. It was true though he had always been different his brothers and sisters had known it from a young age. He hadn’t even been able to keep his differences secret from his father.
“I chase women well enough. You just have to make yourself so odious they run a mile… Sometimes you accidently catch one” he smirked “Then all you have to do is push your luck alittle too far and be a little too eager … If you’ve picked your target correctly they will rightly push you away. Eventually word gets around that you’re a cad and women leave you well alone”
“It’s not so easy at University. You forget its full of gaggling girls with no prospect’s. Who’s fathers have sent them with clear instructions find a husband whatever the cost. They don’t care about being pushed too far… in fact I dare to wager there are more than a few Merchant girls who would jump at the chance of trapping a man for a step up in the world”
“It’s a good job I have no money then” Lorcan chuckled. “None are foolish enough to spread their legs for a poor man”
“I wouldn’t be so sure”
“Abel you talk too much, come here and give me the fuck I’ve waited for all week”
“I just think your naive” he reasoned, heading across to the bed and pulling his own shirt up over his head “You’ll have to marry one day. Then you will know the pain of it. Have you ever even been with a woman?”
“No……I got close once… but no.. I haven’t”
“Well you’ll have to marry one day, everyone expects it and when you do they will expect your attention. Persia can be quite demanding, if a few weeks go by and I haven’t visited with her … she thinks I don’t love her… it’s tiring”
“But you don’t love her” the young man reasoned, lying back onto the bed waiting expectantly as Abel drew close.
“She doesn’t need to know that” he replied, climbing onto the bed crawling across. His skin tingling as Lorcan reached out and stroked his chest.
“I shall make sure my wife knows I don’t love her. It’s kinder… she will find me as odious as all woman do. That way she’ll pray I visit with her infrequently, besides I only have enough love for one and someone already has that”
Abel froze, he’s just been about to lean down kiss him and now instead his eye’s met with an expectant gaze.
It was a gaze he knew well, Persia gave it to him sometimes… usually when she had also told him she loved him. He didn’t even know if she really did, or if it ws something she just said because she thought it was what he wanted to hear.
Deciding it best to ignore it, he kissed the young man who eagerly accepted.
“Well?” Lorcan asked when he finally, pulled away.
“Take off your pants”
“No” Lorcan smiled, “Not until you acknowledge me”
“I acknowledge you”
“Then don’t you have anything to say?”
“Aren’t you going to miss me when I’m away?”
“I don’t know” he replied, truthfully the thought of the young man going away was more of a blessing than anything else. When he left things would get back to normal, he could try and make peace with god and this horrible nightmare would be over.
“Aren’t you going to wait for me?” he asked his eye’s pleading.
“Wait for what?” Abel sighed, “Did you expect for this to resume when you returned like nothing happened?”
“I was hoping” Lorcan nodded, “Don’t you love me”
“Don’t speak of love, you are far too young to understand it”
“You are only four years older” he protested, “Don’t treat me like a child”
“You are a child” he retorted, sitting up.
“Then what are you?! Some twisted deviant, damned by god. Jesus Abel don’t pull this shit on me” the young man growled, sitting up beside him.
“Yes… its exactly what I am and this … this needs to stop… your young you need to go and live your life. Find a good woman and have many fat pink babies. While you still have time”
“Before I’m damned” Lorcan retorted, “Is that what you mean?”
“Damn it” Locan growled, “You really are a fool, don’t you understand I will happily spend eternity in hell if I spend the rest of my days with you”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about”
“Yes…. Yes I do” Lorcan decided, throwing his legs over the side of the bed and scooping up his shirt. “I am not a coward, I know what I want… and I want you. I love you. I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit around and watch you self-destruct”