Abel paused as he reached the door’s to the small castle chapel, spotting Lady Dawn knelt down between the pews.
The chapel was reserved for the royalty and nobility of the household and as such wasn’t well used nor was it inhabited by a priest full time mostly it was a sort of sanctuary for Abel a place to pray, gather his thoughts and beg for God to explain the deviancy’s of his mind.
Most of the time Abel had this place to himself but since her arrival Dawn seemed to be competing for the honour of its most frequent visitor.
He’d never really spoken to the girl who would become his brothers next wife she’d lived almost exclusively on her mother’s estate or up at the boarding school her entire life, but it was clear even to Abel that the girl was of a fragile disposition.
“You spend a lot of time in here” he noted as he entered, taking a place in the next row and making the sign of the cross to the alter before kneeling.
She looked up surprised having clearly been too focused on her prayers to hear him enter. “Yes I suppose” she replied.
He realised then how young she seemed to him, Maegan had been young when she married and he remembered thinking on her wedding day how wrong he thought it was, to marry off girls barely old enough to know what being a woman involved. He realised then how much more tragic this was to Maegan, the young princess may have been young but she’d gone into the doting arm’s of a caring man. Dawn would not be so lucky and judging by the dark circles around her eyes it was a fact she knew full well.
“Asking for forgiveness or salvation?” he asked with a smile not really expecting an answer.
“A little of both” she replied her voice barely more than a whisper.
“Heaven help the rest of us” he replied with a chuckle “If a young girl like you has anything to forgive”
“I sin” she replied, “I’m not above it”
“I’m sure you’re not” he reasoned “But I think the gravity of the sin’s are less”
“I’m not so sure” she replied, “And what about you?
“Salvation or Forgiveness?”
“A lot of both” he chuckled.
She smiled back coyly, While he did not understand the exact things which drew men to women he understood enough to see she was pretty in a delicate sort of way. She was far more dainty than Persia in fact she reminded him somewhat of Ailana. He was suddenly grateful for Persia’s stoutness certain if he’d been granted a wife like Dawn he’d have broken her months ago and with that thought came another … he wondered how the dainty child would survive his brother?
Things went quiet as the both went back to their prayers, he prayed as he always did for the strength to keep his deviant nature in check. He also prayed his new prayer’s to asking for the lord to protect and watch over his son and he even prayed he would watch over his wife.
Suddenly Dawn’s voice broke the silence. Barely a wisp on the breeze as though she feared the question too much to ask it out loud. “Did you want to marry?” she asked.
He paused, breaking from his thoughts he looked over at her, massive green eye’s staring back at him. “Pardon?”
“Did you want to marry?” she asked again, a little bolder.
“No I guess I didn’t” he replied.
“Do you think it’s a sin?”
“Do you think it’s a sin, to wish you weren’t getting married?”
“I don’t think anyone would hold, not wanting to marry my brother against you” he replied.
“No I don’t mean that. I mean just not wanting to marry… anyone….”
“I’m not sure” he replied, “I don’t suppose so”
“But what about procreation… isn’t it our duty?”
“Priests don’t marry” he reasoned, “I can’t think of anyone holier” The young girl nodded seeming satisfied with the answer. “Don’t you want to marry?” he asked.
“No not really” she replied.
Dawn shrugged, “I don’t know. I just don’t really….” She paused as though struggling to put into words her feelings. “It’s like … I like children but I don’t really want my own? There are so many needy children without parents to love them, I think I could serve God better by loving them, than I could by having my own. Does that make sense?”
Abel shrugged, it made sense he supposed but now he had Sebastian he could think of a more full filing role. “Having a husband might be nice don’t you think? Someone to take care of you, provide for you?”
Again she shrugged, “I’ve never really wanted anyone but God to take care of me” she reasoned. “I’m … not…. I don’t…. “ she sighed, struggling again. “The thought of having a husband, doesn’t appeal” she decided.
Abel nodded, he understood that at least the thought of having a wife had never appealed to him at her age. People had spent a great deal of time trying to convince him he’d ‘grow into’ the idea of women, he was still waiting for it to happen. “So what do you want?” he asked.
“I don’t know” she replied. “if I could choose I guess I would stay at the monastery… become a nun perhaps? I just want to serve God more than a man. Is that wrong?” she asked pleadingly.
“Perhaps you will grow into the idea” he reasoned, not believing the words himself and the look on her face telling him with all conviction that she didn’t believe it either.