“Hello you” Sophie chirped as she headed into his chamber’s where he lay lounging in front of the fire. He tried to smile at her but over the last few week’s he found it difficult to smile at all, his beautiful daughter was dead and his wife had known it was going to happen and yet didn’t warn him.
I had gone over it a thousand times in his head, what he would have done with that knowledge had he been told, would he be like his wife and distance himself from the baby in order to make the hurt less?
No he decided if he’d have known he would have spent every precious moment he had with Helewys, making sure she felt safe and loved before she passed.
He wondered then how parents who spent years with their children coped when they died, Helewys had lived for just under a month but still he felt his heart was breaking.
He shifted out of the way so Sophie could sit down, he could barely look at her he felt betrayed, how could she keep something like that from him? Why?
Sophie had changed over the past few months he couldn’t put his finger on what or how perhaps it was simply that now he understood the meanings of her seemingly insane ramblings she somehow seemed less insane? No it was more than that she was always watching overseeing everything and everyone in the castle. Watching every movement, judging every decision he made.
When he had first found out about her gift he had thought how handy it would be to have a wife who could see where the path’s of life would take you, but as the months rolled on he tired of it. It was exhausting, every decision had countless possibility’s she would sit there for hours explaining the reasoning behind this or that.
He suffered constant headaches and he now wondered if it would not be easier to just be an ordinary king, make a decision live with the consequences good or bad without having the pressure of knowing and accepting the consequences before time.
“Don’t be angry with me” Sophie asked snuggling into his arm.
He didn’t feel like holding her and shrugged her off. “I suppose you already know if I’ll forgive you?” he sighed.
“Yes” she admitted, “But I want it sooner”
“Do the path’s tell you it’s possible?” he asked, irritated somehow having her know when and what she needed to do to make things right with him made it all seem so insincere. After all how sincere could an apology be when you knew exactly what to say in advance? Surely half the point was the not knowing if you could be forgiven but apologising anyway?
Besides this wasn’t a mistake… Sophie he realised then did not make mistakes she already knew the outcome of her every action, any hurt or upset she caused was carefully calculated and maneuvered. She known not telling him about Helewys would hurt him and yet she had made the decision not to regardless.
She maintained it was a better sort of hurt than the alternative… but it occurred to him that perhaps it wasn’t? There was something cold about it… she made decisions and so certain they were the right ones she never seemed to suffer from doubt, worry or regret.
She was so certain that not telling Daniel about Helewys had been the right one see seemed cold to it, like she’d had no other choice. Just once he decided he’d like to see a genuine emotion from his wife regarding his daughter, just see her mourn just a little share his pain, rather than accepting it like it had always been the only possible outcome.
“How is Dawn? He asked.
“She’s fine” Sophie replied.
“Explain to me again, why I can’t have her marry Danson?”
“Because if you do, Gabriel will take Maegan”
“And why can’t I have Gabriel, killed or banished surely he has done enough to deserve it?”
“Because he’s my brother” Sophie whimpered, “You can’t kill Duncan even though you know he’ll come back for his throne and I can’t have Gabriel killed, he’s family”
“Gabriel and Duncan are different” Daniel growled, “Duncan isn’t hurting anyone”
“But he will… many will die when he comes for you”
“Still it is at least a justifiable attack, Gabriel is cruel for cruelty’s sake”
“No he isn’t” she reasoned, “He’s hurt that’s all… Dawn will be good for him he will settle down with her at his side”
“So I am supposed to just accept it? Knowing he will hurt her?”
“The alternative is worse” she reasoned, “He will hurt Maegan more than he will hurt Dawn” And there is was. Just once he would like to see a look in her eye’s that told him she agonised over the decision.
That choosing one niece over the other was a difficult and painful decision for her. The way it was for him, but no as usual all he got was the calculated certainty that the decision was the correct one.