It had been a long day and it was late by the time their coach arrived back at the hallows. A quick escape while Gabriel was still tending Peter’s body, before he heard the news of Jaedyn’s indiscretion had seemed appropriate, Finian in hand.
The little boy had been remarkably well behaved on the journey back and dropping his father and the younger girls in Fraymont. Raeanne had agreed to journey back with them to The Hallows to care for Finian.
Maegan seemed on edge, it wasn’t surprising really she was clearly wondering what part in their lives the small boy would play. So many questions buzzing around her head but none of them she seemed to want to voice in public.
Heading inside Raeanne quickly whisked Finian away leaving Maegan and Christopher standing alone in the hallway. “We should talk” Christopher began, breaking the uncomfortable silence “Will you come to my chambers?” He asked. Maegan nodded, following him up the stairs though he noticed a moments hesitation..
Guiding her towards the couch they both sat down, she fidgeted nervously with the lace of her dress.
“I just wanted you to know that Finian’s presence doesn’t mean anything. I mean it doesn’t change anything for us”
“I wasn’t worried” she replied “I understand you couldn’t leave him”
“Thankyou” he nodded, “I don’t intend us to raise him… it would never work not only for us, but for him. Gabriel would seek to harm him as long as he exist’s publicly”
“Then what do you intend for him?”
“Im not sure, I was thinking perhaps see if I could find a family to raise him, perhaps a childless couple or someone willing to take in an extra child.. I need to make him disappear”
“Aren’t you worried Gabriel will find him?”
“Find a small child? On an estate filled with small children.. he isn’t Herod” He laughed “Unless he plan’s to kill every child under the age of one I think he’ll be quite safe. Children move all the time, when parents die they often get sent to live with relatives I don’t think it will seem out of the ordinary no one will question his arrival and even Gabriel does not have the power to conduct a door to door search of our estates”
“You seemed taken with him in the coach” Maegan reasoned “Does none of you wish you could raise him”
“No.. I was interested in him I admit.. he’s part of me, it was strange to have him there that close I guess I was intreged by him, but no I have no desire to raise him. As I said to you before I do not concider him mine. If the circumstances where not as they are I would have happily left him with Gabriel. My only concern was that he would pay for my mistakes, I promise you that is as far as my duty binds me. As soon as I find him a family he’ll be out of our lives”
She nodded and he felt relieved, it seemed to have put her mind at ease. In truth for the briefest of moments he had considered raising the boy, but too many things stood in the way of that being a happy ending, Maegan being the least of them. Finian would serve as a painful reminder for Gabriel as long as he was in the public eye, a reminder he’d seek to erase.
“Well it’s late” she smiled “I guess we should go to sleep”
“I’m not tired” he replied, stroking the side of her face.
“Not at all?” she stammered as his face approached hers.
“A little” he admitted, kissing her briefly on the lips before moving to her neck, he could see the bruises where Peter had gripped her, cleverly covered with makeup but visable up close. He wished his kiss’s could make them fade away but they wouldn’t and as he continued he became increasingly aware of a tenseness in her, that had not been there the other night. “Am I making you uncomfortable?” he asked concerned.
“No” she squeeked “I just wasn’t expecting it”
“I’m sorry” he appologise “ it’s just we got so close the other night. I know a lot has happened since then, if your not ready I’ll stop but I was hoping to continue where we left off” The words seemed foolish as soon as he spoke them.
She’d been though quite a trumour, him pawing all over her was likely to be the last thing on her mind, yet for him if anything the events of the last few days had made him question just what he’d been waiting for?
Granted she was young, but she acted for the most part more grown up than woman two or three years her senior and the other night much to his surprise not only had she given all the outward signs that she was ready to embark on a physical relationship but she’s actually got up the courage to tell him so. She’d opened a door for him, one he hoped was now not closed.
His desire to be close to her at that moment was more than just that of course. The duel with Peter had made him realise how fleeting life was, if he had died today what would he have left behind? Some bastards who never knew him? He couldn’t say that Finian didn’t have something to do with this train of thought. Sitting in the coach with the little boy he’d thought a lot about him and of Brittany’s boys.
There where already too many children he decided that he’d never watch grow or would know him as father, he couldn’t change that, but perhaps it was time to settle down.
He was getting old he decided, too many thoughts of his own mortality. He chuckled at the absurdness of it all, Who would have thought it?? He of all men would reach a point where he yearned for children to call his own.
“If you don’t want me near you I understand” he whispered “but I’d like you to spend the night with me”
“Oh…” she sounded surprised or perhaps a little sad? He hoped it was only nerves.
“If you don’t want too, I understand. I just daren’t let you out of my sight”
“I just didn’t know.. I thought maybe it would go back to the old ways now we where home”
“I don’t want too” he smiled, kissing her again but this time was relived when she responded kissing back, though she seemed to nervously hold back. “Would you rather I left you alone?” he asked when the kiss ended.
“No” she begged, “I don’t want to be on my own”
“Then why the hesitance? Am I pushing you? I know you’ve been though a lot, me pawing you is most likey the most unappealing thought right now.. im happy just to sleep, hold you. If you’ll let me?”
“It’s not that” she replied.
“I thought I might be reminding you, scaring you?”
“No.. “ she replied “You couldn’t be like him… You couldn’t.. ever.. make me feel that way”
“Then what is it?” he asked concerned.
“I can’t help it.. I just feel scared, you’ll change your mind, decide you don’t want me? Like im broken or something… that’s what Anya says, she thinks Lorcan won’t want her now”
“Im not Lorcan” he replied firmly, “Anya is unfortunately most likely correct, Lorcan isn’t likely to marry her now, but I’m not Lorcan. I married you before this happened.. I can’t just switch off the way I feel about you just because other people think I should”
“You have feelings for me?” she smiled.
“Yes of course, why wouldn’t I” he smiled “Maegan I care about you a lot, more than I thought I would.. what happened sickened me, it made me angry and upset me, but on no level do I blame you. You are my wife, one day hopefully soon ”He grinned “You’ll be the mother of my children.. as Anna said to me earlier I really don’t care about a few spec’s of blood. If it makes you feel better when we get to that point, you can use a towel, whisk it away before I ever see it, that way you’ll know either way that I’ve made my choice regardless of the state of affair with a tiny piece of skin”